I had my PET and CT scans done on Wednesday. These tests would determine if after not being in treatment since March did the radiation and chemo do what it was supposed to do. Let me tell you, stress hurts. For the last two days I have been an emotional wreck and just wondering what I would do if the news came back the other way. Did I do all this work and treatment in vain? I think I was almost to the point of talking myself into feeling something in my neck, but I just think I was so sore from stress. Stress like I said, hurts.
So after starting chemo back in October and ending in January, losing my hair, having 3 surgeries, then radiation for 18 days and then losing my voice for 2 weeks--in the end it was all worth it! I must say I didn't and couldn't have gotten this far alone. Forgive me if this next part sounds like a Academy Award speech :) But I really do have an amazing family and this is mine and Bobby's. My family dropped what they were doing to come and help me and that is something I needed and they knew that. Thank you for thinking of me. Those first few months I was is bad shape of playing the "what if" game. There were so many of you that would write to me on here and just check in on me and you didn't have too, but you did and so I thank you from the bottom of my heart. There were a few here that I have to give a special shout out to- Andrea, Kristi, Briana, Amy and Roben. Roben I meet after she came by after every chemo treatment and brought us some food she didn't have to do that but it meant the world. Briana thank you so much for babysitting Audrey time after time, I know she really enjoys your company. To Andrea, Kristi and Amy--thank you for supporting me and checking in on me. From the very beginning you 3 stepped up and helped me through what has been the hardest thing I've ever gone through. From helping me with Audrey, to just calling or writing me. You didn't have to, but you did. Thank you. And yes Andrea I took your advice, it is okay to ask for help. And thank you to all of you who followed me through this and wrote to me. I read everything you all wrote probably more thank once :) Prayer you said for me and your thoughts really helped me along.
So now I go see my doctor on Tuesday and get my report and hopefully get a date scheduled for surgery to get this port out of me! I failed to mention since my tests on Wednesday I've been calling my doctor's office to see if I could get the results early and sure enough the nurse called me today and read back to me the report! I will also find out my long term appointments and where I go now.
You know I haven't really let myself cry through all of this only at the beginning. What good was crying going to do me going through the treatments? I also think I am going to let myself cry, but tears of complete relief! I am slowly letting the stress go because I am still having a hard time believing I am here at this point. But thank God I am.
So what's in a number to you may be differnent to me. What I know right now is that I now can start planning long term rather than just month to month. That feels wonderful. I think now it may be time to hit the lottery with of course my number, 17!
"You're responsible for the energy that you create for yourself and you're responsible for the energy that you bring to others."
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| My parents--thank you and Happy Father's Day! |
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| Audrey and me at Cape Meares |
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