My special kindof normal...

Well second round of my chemo done.  I wasn't as nervous this time because I more or less know what to expect.  My doctor awhile back did mention after me asking that usually between 2nd to 3rd treatments you tend to lose your hair.  So I am just taking that day by day.  I have noticed in the past 2 weeks since the first treatment my hair seems to have become more straight. Again, my doctor, Dr Cook, looked for my masses and had a hard time finding them so that just fine with me.

I have been noticing a bit a soreness when I move my neck a certain way.  It is hard to describe quite where it is but I made my hand into the shape of a 'c' to represent my neck insides and somewhere deep in there is where the soreness is. My doctor said that was normal because of the lymphnodes shrinking and doing something else I can't remember lol.  So normal is good!  I was actually afraid I wasn't going to be able to get treatment today.  My white blood cells are right on the border of being too low. This is a normal side-effect when receiving chemothreapy/ I was able to go through with the treatment thank goodness and keep everything on track.  What this means as my doctor said crowds are my enemy.  I just need to becareful while they are rebuilding back in strength.  My mom suggested I wear a mask in public and I say "umm no".  :)

Where Audrey starts out and then keeps rolling all over the place...

Just sitting on the deck and hanging out...

Currently I am 2/8 treatments completed.  Things are moving right along in a good way.  I am sure learning  quick of what they mean just when you start to feel pretty good, it is time to go back for treatment.  It will just have to be these way for awhile-but I will get through it.  I started thinking of it like being pregnant in my 1st trimester.  You feel tired, crappy and overall kindof blah...and then you start to come out of it and feel like you can take on the world again...(and for my pregnant and former prego's 3rd trimester hits and you are like what the heck happened to feeling so lovely lol).  At anyrate, now I just get to recovering from this round of cocktails of meds in me and head into the next round and keep on moving forward!  :)  Awh to feel normal again!Amercian Cancer Society birthday songs- great website!

Fear Nothing...

happy halloween!!!

Well I received some very good news yesterday.  I went in for a follow up appointment with my doctor to see how I was responding to the chemo a week later and things are looking good.  We talked about some of the side effects I was having and that they were normal. He was feeling for the mass in my neck and I heard him go "hmmm".  He kept searching and feeling for it.  Now let me remind you that these masses were at least 5cm long in some areas.  Dr Cook told me that my mass has shrunking considerably and he was surprised at how well I was responding to the chemo that fast.  I was hoping he would notice that because I didn't want to think it was all in my imagination of how I was able to swallow a bit better and breath better when I lay down.  I am for sure taking this one step at a time but i will take time to celebrate this wonderful news.  I will consider this a check on my side of the board.

I know I have a very long road still ahead of me but at this point I just mark off another week of this and see how my body reacts to what is going on with the treatment.  My doctor did say that they tiredness will increase as the treatments continue. Also with that my hair probably will start to fall out more in the next coming weeks.  I can't say that I am looking forward to that but have accepted it. I figure things could be a lot worse for me and the are not. 

A little side story when I went to my appointment yesterday- when you walk to the back offices to meet up with your doctor you pass the chemo room and can see in through the windows.  I remember the first time when I saw the people sitting in there I struggled with the thought that soon that will be me sitting in there.  Going by this room is never easy but it is a bit more tolerable.  Yesterday as I was walking back I try not to stare at all the people as I walk back by the room, but my eye caught a woman cuddle up almost in the fetal position on the chemo chair.  She was wrapped in a blanket with a cap on her head.  She looked so sick. This is a woman like me diagnosed with stupid cancer and then having to put your life on hold while you battle back to being well.   Her image just has stuck with me. While feeling the upmost sympathy for her and understanding, I just thought in a brief moment I can't get like that.  I have heard it before and people are right, cancer does suck.

So after hearing my good news and at this point I say bring it on so I can just get it all over with.  Next Friday I will have my 2nd treatment and that will bring me one step closer to starting radiation which oddly enough I am looking forward to.

Until next week I am just going to continue to enjoy my good days rather than focus on the what is coming down the road for me.  Those days I know will be there so why waste the energy fearing the unknown.  Right now here in Tennessee the weather is beautiful, the leaves are colors of bright oranges, reds and yellows and best of all my little Audrey will be 6 months old next week.   For now the motto is "fear nothing".

thanks for the memories...

       1st trip to the pumpkin patch

                                                       

 peek-a-boo

                                                 

    1st trip to the zoo

                                                 

light the night walk

Memories are a funny thing.  You are just never sure which memory will come to you and when.  A little known fact about me is that as a little kid about 5-6 years old I was in love with Paul Anka.  I would carefully study the album cover of the record, put the record on the stereo and listen to the 3 songs that I liked on the entire album and just play them over and over.  Not sure why this memory came to me so strongly in these last few days, but I am thinking it has a lot to do during a time I felt so safe and things were predictable.

Life for sure is not predictable right now.  I had my first chemo treatment today which once we got started things went very smoothly.  The entire cocktail of 4 drugs I am given takes about two hours for it all to transfer into me.  My original time was 10:45am but there were so many people today they pushed me back to 12:45pm.  Kindof a sad thing to think that so many people are in need of chemo treatments. 

The oncology nurses that were there are nice ladies.  The nurse I had was able to access my port quickly.  And let me tell you, having a port is the best thing for my veins.  So all in all right now I am feeling pretty good, just my stomach is a bit flakey but I took medicine for that and will again tomorrow.  It will be a slow road but hey 1 treatment down and only 7 more to go!  I cannot wait for this all to be a long distant memory that I will look back on and know that I beat this and am a healthy person.  I can't wait.

Thank again to everyone for the kind words and prayers.  I read each and everyone of them and they all make me smile and give me strength.  Once the chemo is completed then I move on to radiation for about 4 weeks in late February into March. I am looking forward to that time frame and I know I will be in the home stretch!

**one final note---thank thank you to all who helped with the Light the Night Walk.  We were able to raise $750.00 and my goal was $500.00.  This money will go to a great organization of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society!

port of call...

Well I am one step closer to starting my chemo treatments.  On Thursday I had surgery to have the port place in me.  I feel like I am starting to become a pro at how to do pre-op and what to expect on surgery day.  So as of now I have my first treatment October  8th using the port as a point of entry.  I've made my hair appointment and  I will be getting my hair cut short before my treatments begin.  I will just see how things go with the rest of my hair during the first few treatments and most likely the rest will go quickly.

October 7th is The Light the Night Walk of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.  So wonderful help from so many of you we were able to raise $560!  Thank you everyone.  There is still time to donate if you would like.  I would encourage you to donate to a person on the team if you would like.   http://pages.lightthenight.org/tn/MidTN10/TeachersPets    I went to the main office for the LLS and they gave me a tshirt for the event that on the back says "survivor".  I do have to say that seeing that word gave me so many mixed emotions for the right now and what I am still having to face.

Right now my youngest sister Patti and he daughter Adela is here visting and helping me.  It is so nice having family around.  So this is what is happening so far and I will keep you all posted on what may come my way next!

                                          audrey and adela