I tell you I have been looking forward to this day for a long time and yet at the same time I didn't want to know any of the answers I was about to get. Today was results day for me on how far along my Hodgkin's Lymphoma is. I have stage 2A Hodgkin's Lymphoma which if you had to have cancer this type is the better type to have. It hasn't spread to any other parts besides my neck area. (no bones or other lymphnodes throughout my body!)
So as of now my treatment will pretty much go like this. I will have eight sessions of chemotherapy every two weeks over the course of 4 months. This takes me into the first part of January for my last treatment. Then I will wait about 6 weeks and during that time I will have another PET scan to see how I responded to the chemo. Then about the beginning of March I will begin radiation for 3 weeks M-F (no weekends). This will be concentrated to my neck area. My doctor said think of it as if I were going and laying in a tanning bed(although no tan to come from it lol) I hope to have all completed by the end of March. This for me is actually good news.
With this type of chemo I will lose my hair. I know it will grow back but it still won't be easy. I have had a lot of time to think about it and well I am more at peace with the whole situation of the hair. It is interesting that this is the part that has me probably more scared than going for surgery to get the port placed in me. So I've been working on getting wigs, scarves and hats to "play around with" during the treatments. So my next step is I am going to make my hair appointment to get my hair cut short and will be looking into perhaps donating my hair to Locks of Love. After my treatments start they say pretty much by the 2nd round your hair is very thin if not mostly all the way out. At that time I am just going to have Bobby shave the rest of it off.
I do know that losing my hair, getting tired and all the other side effects that come with all of the chemo treatments I know the good on the otherside of this outway the negatives. I am actually in a way looking forward to all of this getting started and then zapping it out of my body! :)
Thursday October 7th there is a walk in support of The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society it is called "Light the Night Walk". Thank you so much that have been able to donate so far to such a very important cause. If you are still interested in donating I would be more than greatful, but also understand that your prayers and thoughts are just as valuable. The website is
Light the Night Walk- The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society
This will take you to my team page. Anything at all would be just wonderful.
So this is what I know so far. Just taking it day by day!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
my mom came for a visit
Well my mom was finally able to come for a visit and help out with Audrey during all my tests. My mom has an extreme fear of flying but was able to come! Oh did I mention she still didn't fly, she came by bus all the way from Oregon! Talk about riding the Oregon trail! Very proud of her still for coming out this way.
Hoping this works
Well I am trying to switch my writings to here instead of on the facebook notes. I am hoping people don't have to sign up for a gmail account!
My ever changing reflection...
My ever changing reflection...
by Martha Bickel Brockley on Friday, September 10, 2010 at 8:50pm
A phrase we hear so often is we all want to grow old gracefully. With this throughout the years when we look in the mirror we slowly accept a gray hair, then a wrinkle and so on. We look around and see our family and friends aging with grace so subtle to the eyes. Then something unexpected may happen to you to disrupt the subtle aging process and when you look in the mirror it is hard to recognize even yourself. I have caught myself lately looking at myself in the mirror wondering "what next?"
One thing I have always be leery of is growing older. Maybe I had a little bit of Cher in me :)...but growing old was something that I just didn't want to have happen to me. In this past month being diagnosed with cancer really does change a way a person thinks about themselves and life. I am not here to preach but something that I think I really now understand that growing older is something we should welcome and not fight off. For growing older is another day of living and experiencing all that life has in store. I want to grow older.
This past week has been a long with many tests and scans completed. At one point finding a vein on my arm to use was a challenge, but it all worked out. For any of you who have ever had a PET scan you know what I am talking about- when they open the container of the radiation stuff they are going inject into your body I had a thought of the scene of "Back to the Future". It was the scene where they are in the mall parking lot with the radiation suits and unlocking the cases of highly powerful stuff to make the car run. It was just a weird feeling knowing it was going to go into your body-but it had to be done.
Yesterday I had the bone marrow biopsy and let me tell you I was pretty nervous about this and what sort of pain I was going to be in. Thank you to some wonderful drugs they gave me --it hurt but not as bad as it could have. I am still pretty sore from it like I did a long hard workout-but the pain of this to will pass. It wasn't fun by any means but I really did think it was going to be a lot worse than what it was. I am glad Bobby was there with me during this but even he had to look down when they did the procedure--I think it is a little medieval if you ask me :)
So now I wait. I will get my results of all these many tests that I have had done on me September 23rd. This will let us know what stage the cancer is at and what will be the best treatment for me. After that I will have another surgery to have the port placed in me and then start my treatment. Once again I know my image of myself will change--but I know it has to in order to fight what I have. It is getting a bit easier to look at myself in the mirror and I know once I start my treatment I will under go yet another appearance change. So right now I am just taking things day by day and concentrating on the moment--but in the back of my mind I know I will grow old and my looks will change and that is perfectly fine with me.
One thing I have always be leery of is growing older. Maybe I had a little bit of Cher in me :)...but growing old was something that I just didn't want to have happen to me. In this past month being diagnosed with cancer really does change a way a person thinks about themselves and life. I am not here to preach but something that I think I really now understand that growing older is something we should welcome and not fight off. For growing older is another day of living and experiencing all that life has in store. I want to grow older.
This past week has been a long with many tests and scans completed. At one point finding a vein on my arm to use was a challenge, but it all worked out. For any of you who have ever had a PET scan you know what I am talking about- when they open the container of the radiation stuff they are going inject into your body I had a thought of the scene of "Back to the Future". It was the scene where they are in the mall parking lot with the radiation suits and unlocking the cases of highly powerful stuff to make the car run. It was just a weird feeling knowing it was going to go into your body-but it had to be done.
Yesterday I had the bone marrow biopsy and let me tell you I was pretty nervous about this and what sort of pain I was going to be in. Thank you to some wonderful drugs they gave me --it hurt but not as bad as it could have. I am still pretty sore from it like I did a long hard workout-but the pain of this to will pass. It wasn't fun by any means but I really did think it was going to be a lot worse than what it was. I am glad Bobby was there with me during this but even he had to look down when they did the procedure--I think it is a little medieval if you ask me :)
So now I wait. I will get my results of all these many tests that I have had done on me September 23rd. This will let us know what stage the cancer is at and what will be the best treatment for me. After that I will have another surgery to have the port placed in me and then start my treatment. Once again I know my image of myself will change--but I know it has to in order to fight what I have. It is getting a bit easier to look at myself in the mirror and I know once I start my treatment I will under go yet another appearance change. So right now I am just taking things day by day and concentrating on the moment--but in the back of my mind I know I will grow old and my looks will change and that is perfectly fine with me.
The leak has stopped...
The leak has stopped...
by Martha Bickel Brockley on Friday, September 3, 2010 at 9:11pm
Well so not quite like the announcement from the Gulf oil spill that BP had to do, but still it is a great feeling :) So I am still pretty sore and taking some medicine that does help mostly. I found out that after going under anasethia and coming out boy do I get sick! This that put a patch behind my ear to help with that and it worked wonderfully thank goodness.
Next week now will be loads of fun with all my scans and the dreaded bone marrow biopsy but hey it is getting me closer to stating on the chemo and getting this started and over with! Funny I think my appointment schedule will actually slow down once I start the chemo-go figure!
I am going tomorrow to my doctor to hopefully get the drain removed and start feeling less and less like a character from Star Trek :)
Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers--I am so happy they are being done for me! I will let you know what takes place soon--- till then Happy Labor Day ( do people say it like that? lol) Awh why not!
Next week now will be loads of fun with all my scans and the dreaded bone marrow biopsy but hey it is getting me closer to stating on the chemo and getting this started and over with! Funny I think my appointment schedule will actually slow down once I start the chemo-go figure!
I am going tomorrow to my doctor to hopefully get the drain removed and start feeling less and less like a character from Star Trek :)
Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers--I am so happy they are being done for me! I will let you know what takes place soon--- till then Happy Labor Day ( do people say it like that? lol) Awh why not!
One more time...
One more time...
by Martha Bickel Brockley on Friday, September 3, 2010 at 4:49am
Well just a quick note letting people know that today once again I am having surgery on my neck. For some reason I have a leak and my doctor is going back in to find it a clamp it so I can get rid of this drain! I tell you having this drain has made me really look at the blessings in my life and not to take so much for granted. At any rate I have wonderful people around me helping out at a moments notice just makes me speachless at times. So I will soon update you after surgery with hopefully this all fixed!
I am ready...
I am ready...
by Martha Bickel Brockley on Tuesday, August 31, 2010 at 9:52pm
Hodgkin's Lymphoma- Nodular Sclerosis- is what I got. 60%-80% of the people who have this has this type. I had my first visit with the oncologist today- Dr. Cook who I must say reminded me a lot of my dad in some ways was able to make me feel that when I thought about the future it doesn't have to be something sad. I guess I always knew this, but the ole brain can play a lot of mean tricks on you.
Right now I still have a drain and I am preparing that they will probably have to go back and do surgery to stop the leak, but still not sure on that. My next step is determining what stage I have. I think that is another word, "stage" I am not liking so much :) So there are a few things they will have to do to determine this. I will have a PET scan, MUGA scan (checks heart stuff), and the one I am not looking forward to is the bone marrow biopsy. I will have that Friday if something else doesn't come up about my obnoxious drain.
After I heal a bit from the first surgery and they have the stage I am at, they will then go ahead with placing the port in me to get it all ready for at least now chemo. I do have to say that really the idea of having that doesn't bother me to much, well at least for now. Before we even when in today, Bobby and I were sitting out in the I must say very drab waiting room, he caught a glimpse of a room with wigs. I do have to say I am mentally preparing myself for that moment, but I think for some reason that just made me feel like I was a 1000 miles away with a blank stare. It is funny how words, scents and even a sound take you back to a time it reminds you of in a split second. I pictured myself with a ridiculious wig like they wore back in early England. Now I can tell you if it is the wig route I go I will not be sporting one of those. Nor will I pick the option Bobby said that he would get me- a big Dolly Parton style wig. I am sure there is something in the middle lol.
After all my many scan and poking and proding is completed, I go back to see Dr. Cook on the 17th of September to get my schedule of how all this will happen. Again this is providing that I don't have to have surgery on this drain. But answers are coming in slowly, but they are coming and the answers I am getting are positive. It will be soon time to start this. A possible treatment plan is about 12 sessions every two weeks lasting for about six months. My goal is to be done before Audrey's 1st birthday or at least in that time frame. So you know I am ready, just ready to start this and be done with it and let it be a distant unpleasent memory. The follow-up treatments for something like this is every year for the next 5 years I would be checked and then after that when all is good I can just take a deep breath and smile.
So saying the words "I am ready", is challenging don't get me wrong, but I know I am. I am ready to get started and most importantly ready for it all to be over with.
**I do have to say on another note that listening to what so many of you have wrote or told me have given me a strength that sometimes you don't even realize is there. So please know that even if I am not able to comment to you I read it all and appreciate every ounce of it. To each and everyone of you, your family and friends who are thinking of me, praying for me, and everything else-- I can't say these words enough and even the words don't have the full impact that I am feeling, but ---thank you!
Right now I still have a drain and I am preparing that they will probably have to go back and do surgery to stop the leak, but still not sure on that. My next step is determining what stage I have. I think that is another word, "stage" I am not liking so much :) So there are a few things they will have to do to determine this. I will have a PET scan, MUGA scan (checks heart stuff), and the one I am not looking forward to is the bone marrow biopsy. I will have that Friday if something else doesn't come up about my obnoxious drain.
After I heal a bit from the first surgery and they have the stage I am at, they will then go ahead with placing the port in me to get it all ready for at least now chemo. I do have to say that really the idea of having that doesn't bother me to much, well at least for now. Before we even when in today, Bobby and I were sitting out in the I must say very drab waiting room, he caught a glimpse of a room with wigs. I do have to say I am mentally preparing myself for that moment, but I think for some reason that just made me feel like I was a 1000 miles away with a blank stare. It is funny how words, scents and even a sound take you back to a time it reminds you of in a split second. I pictured myself with a ridiculious wig like they wore back in early England. Now I can tell you if it is the wig route I go I will not be sporting one of those. Nor will I pick the option Bobby said that he would get me- a big Dolly Parton style wig. I am sure there is something in the middle lol.
After all my many scan and poking and proding is completed, I go back to see Dr. Cook on the 17th of September to get my schedule of how all this will happen. Again this is providing that I don't have to have surgery on this drain. But answers are coming in slowly, but they are coming and the answers I am getting are positive. It will be soon time to start this. A possible treatment plan is about 12 sessions every two weeks lasting for about six months. My goal is to be done before Audrey's 1st birthday or at least in that time frame. So you know I am ready, just ready to start this and be done with it and let it be a distant unpleasent memory. The follow-up treatments for something like this is every year for the next 5 years I would be checked and then after that when all is good I can just take a deep breath and smile.
So saying the words "I am ready", is challenging don't get me wrong, but I know I am. I am ready to get started and most importantly ready for it all to be over with.
**I do have to say on another note that listening to what so many of you have wrote or told me have given me a strength that sometimes you don't even realize is there. So please know that even if I am not able to comment to you I read it all and appreciate every ounce of it. To each and everyone of you, your family and friends who are thinking of me, praying for me, and everything else-- I can't say these words enough and even the words don't have the full impact that I am feeling, but ---thank you!
What are the odds...
What are the odds...
by Martha Bickel Brockley on Friday, August 27, 2010 at 7:26pm
It seems that when we talk about odds we always want them to be in our favor. Then when you are delt with a blow in your life you don't want those odds of it happening to you. Funny how life works. Yesterday I was supposed to get my drain removed from my neck but I wasn't able to. My doctor took one look at it and said "oh no that is not coming out." *sigh* The stuff coming out my drain wasn't the right color so I have to be on a no fat diet. He told me that the odds of him seeing this in his last 15 years was about 2 out of 200. My doctor then continued to tell me he had not seen this type of drainage that was in my drain tube since he was in residencey school. I then responded that I wished I had those types of odds when I play the lottery.
So I've have been on this no fat diet since yesterday and it is going well. I am just amazed at how much fat is in our food. This is only a temporary diet for me which is good for me-not sure how much will power I have when it comes to food :) Since the drain was having issues the doctor ordered me to have a chest x-ray to make sure that it wasn't draining back into my lung. If that were they case worst case senerio would mean more surgery to fix it. It just so happens my doctor went out of town but wanted to know the results ASAP from the x-ray. I guess all I could do was picture him on a jet ski with his hair blowing in the breeze-even if he wasn't doing that, I still was envious of him going out of town.
The lady who helped take my x-rays was a sweet as can be. She asked me what the surgery was from and I had to say it out loud- Lymphoma Cancer- specifically Hodgkins Lymphoma and they are working on the sub catergory of what mine is. It is getting a little easier to say those words, but by no means do I want them to be how I identify myself. So after my x-rays were completed I had to go wait out back in the waiting room with Bobby and the nurse told me they will try to get ahold of my doctor. So I sit down and then the nurse comes out to get others for their turn at the machines and she comes up next to me and told me that the radiolgist couldn't get ahold of my doctor but left a message. She then get a bit closer and tells me "you know they don't want me saying anything, but the radiologist said it was good." I know there are rules that we must follow at work, but hearing those words from her brought a huge smile to my face. It was nice human gesture.
So it is good news my lungs are clear. Now I am just working on trying to get rid of this drain. I have my first visit with the onocologist Tuesday to discuss my treatment plan. I do have to admit I am nervous about what my treatment will be like, but I know it is a must. I have heard from people that others they know who were on Chemo didn't lose their hair during their treatment. I wonder what they odds will be like for me. But I am jumping ahead and just need to concentrate on what is in front of me because I just don't know. So right now I am rolling the dice and looking for lucky number 7--hey the odds are in my favor no matter what :)
So I've have been on this no fat diet since yesterday and it is going well. I am just amazed at how much fat is in our food. This is only a temporary diet for me which is good for me-not sure how much will power I have when it comes to food :) Since the drain was having issues the doctor ordered me to have a chest x-ray to make sure that it wasn't draining back into my lung. If that were they case worst case senerio would mean more surgery to fix it. It just so happens my doctor went out of town but wanted to know the results ASAP from the x-ray. I guess all I could do was picture him on a jet ski with his hair blowing in the breeze-even if he wasn't doing that, I still was envious of him going out of town.
The lady who helped take my x-rays was a sweet as can be. She asked me what the surgery was from and I had to say it out loud- Lymphoma Cancer- specifically Hodgkins Lymphoma and they are working on the sub catergory of what mine is. It is getting a little easier to say those words, but by no means do I want them to be how I identify myself. So after my x-rays were completed I had to go wait out back in the waiting room with Bobby and the nurse told me they will try to get ahold of my doctor. So I sit down and then the nurse comes out to get others for their turn at the machines and she comes up next to me and told me that the radiolgist couldn't get ahold of my doctor but left a message. She then get a bit closer and tells me "you know they don't want me saying anything, but the radiologist said it was good." I know there are rules that we must follow at work, but hearing those words from her brought a huge smile to my face. It was nice human gesture.
So it is good news my lungs are clear. Now I am just working on trying to get rid of this drain. I have my first visit with the onocologist Tuesday to discuss my treatment plan. I do have to admit I am nervous about what my treatment will be like, but I know it is a must. I have heard from people that others they know who were on Chemo didn't lose their hair during their treatment. I wonder what they odds will be like for me. But I am jumping ahead and just need to concentrate on what is in front of me because I just don't know. So right now I am rolling the dice and looking for lucky number 7--hey the odds are in my favor no matter what :)
time standing still...
time standing still...
by Martha Bickel Brockley on Wednesday, August 25, 2010 at 10:52pm
Today was the day that I no longer could say "I've never had surgery before." The day started off very emotional not only because of the sugery, but because of the fear of what may be found in there. As I sat in my room #24 and with Bobby at my side my thoughts became "ok I'm here so let's get it started." Surgery at 9:30 with anticipation growing I look up at the old school clock above the door and see the clock hands saying 9:57 am. So after staring at it a few times, and probably studying it a bit too hard :)--something wasn't right. The battery. So time just seemed seemed to stand still.
So many thoughts begin to race through your head when you are just "waiting" and then looking at a clock that is ahead in time but not working, I start wonder what will be happening to me at that time. The waiting game isn't a fun game. It seems like so many people have to "visit" you while you wait in the room and everytime they come in I look to see what they have in their hands. Lately I feel as if I have become a human pin cushion. So as I sat and waited I met the two anesthesiologist that will be in there room with me. The young one that came in I swear I was wondering if he was qualified because of his age lol. My doctor didn't come in for awhile and once again with my mind racing I wonder if maybe he got he got another flat tire(happened the time when I first met him lol) or did he stay up to late like me watching Jimmy Kimmel Live :)
Finally he comes and we talk about what will take place one more time. He looked well rested. Then it all just seems to start happening so fast. He marked where he was going to do his cuts for surgery and go over that he will be taking out the right neck mass and then send it to Nashville for one more biopsy. After I felt comfortable and my doctor leaves the toom the anesthesiologist chimes in "ok now time for the happymedicine" as he started getting my IV prepped for the OR. Glad he happy about his job lol. I looked around the room and again at that darn clock, it was like the moment was never going to end or even begin. The medicine started to kick in pretty quick, it made me pretty sleepy at that point. Once I was to get back to the OR they were going to put me completely under. After saying bye to Bobby I was wheeled off.
The operating room is a lot different than they should on tv and for those of you who have been there you probably know what I mean. The anesthesiologist earlier had said to me that some people count and pretty much don't remember anything beyond that. So my last thought was "ok I think I will start to count." I wake up in the recovery room about a little more than an hour later not quite sure where I was. Then after looking around I realize that I did it! I made it through surgery. One of the first things I hear is the nurses talking about selling something on Craigslist-and for those who know me well you know I do a lot of selling on there and Ebay :) I almost wanted to say does someone want to buy my last remaining football tickets. I am pretty sure they weren't talking to me though. So instead she offered me some ice chips to crunch on for a bit.
As they are wheeling me back to the room where I will wait again till I feel a bit better I see Bobby step outside the room to see me coming. What a wonderful site. Back in the room I am just watched and I have some Sprite to drink that hurt a bit to get through the straw since you are using those neck muscles. I was feeling pretty nauseous and they had to put the little pinkish bucket next to me. So after sitting there for awhile I started to like the room wasn't spinning too bad it was time for me to go home. YAY!
To wrap this up-I am home now with a drain coming out of my neck. Not the fashion statement I was going for this fall-but it comes out tomorrow. I am pretty sore but then I just take my pain meds and it not too terrible to bare. Thinking about this whole process thus far is pretty emotional. I also keeping thinking about that clock that the hands wouldn't move. It is one of those things that I suppose you could chose to be "stuck in time" or in a horrible moment like this, or move forward, get on with life and have hope. I pick the latter.
I have to really say again thank you to EVERYONE. Again, I have also known I have surrounded my self with wonderful people and I have been proven once again with everyone's generosity and warm wish. Beautiful people you all are :)
I am hoping to hear back with results before next Wednesday-I will keep you all posted.
-martha
A better tomorrow...
A better tomorrow...
by Martha Bickel Brockley on Monday, August 23, 2010 at 10:41pm
Today while leaving the store the man at the stand checked my receipt and said to me "Have a great day, and a better tomorrow", these words really hit home for me. I told him, "Tomorrow has to better." with a smile of course. So I am just going to come out and say it, perhaps something I've been in denial about saying- I found out today I have cancer. Saying this isn't easy. My doctor said it was a broad category of lymphoma which he said can be curable.
(I am sure I am leaving things out so bare with me!)
Now let me start back about a month ago. In early July I noticed when I laid on my left side I felt like there was something in my throat and couldn't figure out what was going on but really didn't think much of it. About two weeks later I got a nasty cold with sore throat and coughing that wouldn't go away. I wasn't able to get to the doctor right away because I was in New York at the time. Over the course of years I've gotten so many sinus infection, strep throat, bronchitis, etc...so thinking when I get back they will give me my medicine and I'll be on my way.
The first person I saw now at the end of July was a Physician's Assistant and was doing the normal checking of the lymph nodes and asked me how long I had this lump. Well having no idea what she was talking about she put my hand on the right side of my neck and sure enough there it was. She thought it was perhaps due to the cold, but she wanted to be sure so I went and had an ultrasound on it. The ultrasound came back showing the mass was 5cm x 2cm x 3cm there abouts. So thinking to myself this isn't normal lol...I wanted to the CT scan as soon as possible. She wanted to wait to see if it would go down, but something in my gut said "no". The other kicker(s) in this is that Bobby was set to deploy for Iraq and at the time Audrey was 3 1/2 months old. I told her this and later that week I got the CT scan.
The CT scan showed that there are actually 3 masses in the neck area. I then have blood work done to see if that would pick up on anything and that came back fine.
Finally the PA referred me to an ENT and that is who I saw last Tuesday. Before the exam I explained to him what was going on and he started examining my throat. He was quiet and well so was I. He came around to the front and had me swallow a few times and was feeling the other lump that I hadn't spotted down by my thyroid. It is funny how in moments like this how the eyes say so much. He stepped back and I said "What do you think?" he replied "What am I thinking?" yes doctor, you! So at first he kept saying this was just a guess but he thought it might be Medullary Thyroid Cancer. All I can say is when I heard the word "cancer", I broke down crying. He sat down with me and let me just ask questions and we went from there. The next step was an FNA biopsy.
I had the FNA done on Friday and they told me I would have the results back no later than Wednesday--I can't even tell you how many times I looked at the clock. Now during this time Bobby had contacted his higher ups and his team doctor talked to my doctor about what was going on. They gave Bobby thankfully the green light to stay back with me till we figure out what is going on and what needs to happen. His team has been beyond wonderful in their understanding of all this. So today I got the call that I wanted but then again didn't. As I mentioned earlier it is some type of lymphoma and not what he originally was thinking. So all I know is that I have surgery on Wednesday morning to remove the right lymph node to do further testing and then they will know for sure what we are dealing with.
So and now we wait. Once I find out what is the official word I will be referred to the doctor who will plan my treatment whatever that may be. I know it won't be an easy road, but when I look at Audrey who just turned 4 months old I just have to do this and get through it all. I will keep everyone posted in some form or fashion. I do apologize for not calling people, but there is a lot of you :)
So as the store employee said "Have a better tomorrow"---I know there will be many better tomorrow's out there for me and my family.
Love,
martha
(I am sure I am leaving things out so bare with me!)
Now let me start back about a month ago. In early July I noticed when I laid on my left side I felt like there was something in my throat and couldn't figure out what was going on but really didn't think much of it. About two weeks later I got a nasty cold with sore throat and coughing that wouldn't go away. I wasn't able to get to the doctor right away because I was in New York at the time. Over the course of years I've gotten so many sinus infection, strep throat, bronchitis, etc...so thinking when I get back they will give me my medicine and I'll be on my way.
The first person I saw now at the end of July was a Physician's Assistant and was doing the normal checking of the lymph nodes and asked me how long I had this lump. Well having no idea what she was talking about she put my hand on the right side of my neck and sure enough there it was. She thought it was perhaps due to the cold, but she wanted to be sure so I went and had an ultrasound on it. The ultrasound came back showing the mass was 5cm x 2cm x 3cm there abouts. So thinking to myself this isn't normal lol...I wanted to the CT scan as soon as possible. She wanted to wait to see if it would go down, but something in my gut said "no". The other kicker(s) in this is that Bobby was set to deploy for Iraq and at the time Audrey was 3 1/2 months old. I told her this and later that week I got the CT scan.
The CT scan showed that there are actually 3 masses in the neck area. I then have blood work done to see if that would pick up on anything and that came back fine.
Finally the PA referred me to an ENT and that is who I saw last Tuesday. Before the exam I explained to him what was going on and he started examining my throat. He was quiet and well so was I. He came around to the front and had me swallow a few times and was feeling the other lump that I hadn't spotted down by my thyroid. It is funny how in moments like this how the eyes say so much. He stepped back and I said "What do you think?" he replied "What am I thinking?" yes doctor, you! So at first he kept saying this was just a guess but he thought it might be Medullary Thyroid Cancer. All I can say is when I heard the word "cancer", I broke down crying. He sat down with me and let me just ask questions and we went from there. The next step was an FNA biopsy.
I had the FNA done on Friday and they told me I would have the results back no later than Wednesday--I can't even tell you how many times I looked at the clock. Now during this time Bobby had contacted his higher ups and his team doctor talked to my doctor about what was going on. They gave Bobby thankfully the green light to stay back with me till we figure out what is going on and what needs to happen. His team has been beyond wonderful in their understanding of all this. So today I got the call that I wanted but then again didn't. As I mentioned earlier it is some type of lymphoma and not what he originally was thinking. So all I know is that I have surgery on Wednesday morning to remove the right lymph node to do further testing and then they will know for sure what we are dealing with.
So and now we wait. Once I find out what is the official word I will be referred to the doctor who will plan my treatment whatever that may be. I know it won't be an easy road, but when I look at Audrey who just turned 4 months old I just have to do this and get through it all. I will keep everyone posted in some form or fashion. I do apologize for not calling people, but there is a lot of you :)
So as the store employee said "Have a better tomorrow"---I know there will be many better tomorrow's out there for me and my family.
Love,
martha
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