time standing still...

time standing still...

by Martha Bickel Brockley on Wednesday, August 25, 2010 at 10:52pm

Today was the day that I no longer could say "I've never had surgery before."  The day started off very emotional not only because of the sugery, but because of the fear of what may be found in there.  As I sat in my room #24 and with Bobby at my side my thoughts became "ok I'm here so let's get it started."  Surgery at 9:30 with anticipation growing I look up at the old school clock above the door and see the clock hands saying 9:57 am. So after staring at it a few times, and probably studying it a bit too hard :)--something wasn't right.  The battery.  So time just seemed seemed to stand still.
 So many thoughts begin to race through your head when you are just "waiting" and then looking at a clock that is ahead in time but not working, I start wonder what will be happening to me at that time.  The waiting game isn't a fun game.  It seems like so many people have to "visit" you while you wait in the room and everytime they come in I look to see what they have in their hands.  Lately I feel as if I have become a human pin cushion.  So as I sat and waited I met the two anesthesiologist that will be in there room with me.  The young one that came in I swear I was wondering if he was qualified because of his age lol.  My doctor didn't come in for awhile and once again with my mind racing I wonder if maybe he got he got another flat tire(happened the time when I first met him lol) or did he stay up to late like me watching Jimmy Kimmel Live :)
 Finally he comes and we talk about what will take place one more time.  He looked well rested.  Then it all just seems to start happening so fast.  He marked where he was going to do his cuts for surgery and go over that he will be taking out the right neck mass and then send it to Nashville for one more biopsy.  After I felt comfortable and my doctor leaves the toom the anesthesiologist chimes in  "ok now time for the happymedicine" as he started getting my IV prepped for the OR.  Glad he happy about his job lol.   I looked around the room and again at that darn clock, it was like the moment was never going to end or even begin.  The medicine started to kick in pretty quick, it made me pretty sleepy at that point.  Once I was to get back to the OR they were going to put me completely under.  After saying bye to Bobby I was wheeled off.
 The operating room is a lot different than they should on tv and for those of you who have been there you probably know what I mean.  The anesthesiologist earlier had said to me that some people count  and pretty much don't remember anything beyond that.  So my last thought was "ok I think I will start to count."  I wake up in the recovery room about a little more than an hour later not quite sure where I was.  Then after looking around I realize that I did it!  I made it through surgery.  One of the first things I hear is the nurses talking about selling something on Craigslist-and for those who know me well you know I do a lot of selling on there and Ebay :)  I almost wanted to say does someone want to buy my last remaining football tickets.  I am pretty sure they weren't talking to me though.  So instead she offered me some ice chips to crunch on for a bit.
 As they are wheeling me back to the room where I will wait again till I feel a bit better I see Bobby step outside the room to see me coming.  What a wonderful site.  Back in the room  I am just watched and I have some Sprite to drink that hurt a bit to get through the straw since you are using those neck muscles.   I was feeling pretty nauseous and they had to put the little pinkish bucket next to me.  So after sitting there for awhile I started to like the room wasn't spinning too bad it was time for me to go home.  YAY!
 To wrap this up-I am home now with a drain coming out of my neck.  Not the fashion statement I was going for this fall-but it comes out tomorrow.  I am pretty sore but then I just take my pain meds and it not too terrible to bare.  Thinking about this whole process thus far is pretty emotional.  I also keeping thinking about that clock that the hands wouldn't move.  It is one of those things that I suppose you could chose to be "stuck in time" or in a horrible moment like this, or move forward, get on with life and have hope.  I pick the latter.
I have to really say again thank you to EVERYONE.  Again, I have also known I have surrounded my self with wonderful people and I have been proven once again with everyone's generosity and warm wish.  Beautiful people you all are :)
 I am hoping to hear back with results before next Wednesday-I will keep you all posted.
-martha