A better tomorrow...
by Martha Bickel Brockley on Monday, August 23, 2010 at 10:41pm
Today while leaving the store the man at the stand checked my receipt and said to me "Have a great day, and a better tomorrow", these words really hit home for me. I told him, "Tomorrow has to better." with a smile of course. So I am just going to come out and say it, perhaps something I've been in denial about saying- I found out today I have cancer. Saying this isn't easy. My doctor said it was a broad category of lymphoma which he said can be curable.
(I am sure I am leaving things out so bare with me!)
Now let me start back about a month ago. In early July I noticed when I laid on my left side I felt like there was something in my throat and couldn't figure out what was going on but really didn't think much of it. About two weeks later I got a nasty cold with sore throat and coughing that wouldn't go away. I wasn't able to get to the doctor right away because I was in New York at the time. Over the course of years I've gotten so many sinus infection, strep throat, bronchitis, etc...so thinking when I get back they will give me my medicine and I'll be on my way.
The first person I saw now at the end of July was a Physician's Assistant and was doing the normal checking of the lymph nodes and asked me how long I had this lump. Well having no idea what she was talking about she put my hand on the right side of my neck and sure enough there it was. She thought it was perhaps due to the cold, but she wanted to be sure so I went and had an ultrasound on it. The ultrasound came back showing the mass was 5cm x 2cm x 3cm there abouts. So thinking to myself this isn't normal lol...I wanted to the CT scan as soon as possible. She wanted to wait to see if it would go down, but something in my gut said "no". The other kicker(s) in this is that Bobby was set to deploy for Iraq and at the time Audrey was 3 1/2 months old. I told her this and later that week I got the CT scan.
The CT scan showed that there are actually 3 masses in the neck area. I then have blood work done to see if that would pick up on anything and that came back fine.
Finally the PA referred me to an ENT and that is who I saw last Tuesday. Before the exam I explained to him what was going on and he started examining my throat. He was quiet and well so was I. He came around to the front and had me swallow a few times and was feeling the other lump that I hadn't spotted down by my thyroid. It is funny how in moments like this how the eyes say so much. He stepped back and I said "What do you think?" he replied "What am I thinking?" yes doctor, you! So at first he kept saying this was just a guess but he thought it might be Medullary Thyroid Cancer. All I can say is when I heard the word "cancer", I broke down crying. He sat down with me and let me just ask questions and we went from there. The next step was an FNA biopsy.
I had the FNA done on Friday and they told me I would have the results back no later than Wednesday--I can't even tell you how many times I looked at the clock. Now during this time Bobby had contacted his higher ups and his team doctor talked to my doctor about what was going on. They gave Bobby thankfully the green light to stay back with me till we figure out what is going on and what needs to happen. His team has been beyond wonderful in their understanding of all this. So today I got the call that I wanted but then again didn't. As I mentioned earlier it is some type of lymphoma and not what he originally was thinking. So all I know is that I have surgery on Wednesday morning to remove the right lymph node to do further testing and then they will know for sure what we are dealing with.
So and now we wait. Once I find out what is the official word I will be referred to the doctor who will plan my treatment whatever that may be. I know it won't be an easy road, but when I look at Audrey who just turned 4 months old I just have to do this and get through it all. I will keep everyone posted in some form or fashion. I do apologize for not calling people, but there is a lot of you :)
So as the store employee said "Have a better tomorrow"---I know there will be many better tomorrow's out there for me and my family.
Love,
martha
(I am sure I am leaving things out so bare with me!)
Now let me start back about a month ago. In early July I noticed when I laid on my left side I felt like there was something in my throat and couldn't figure out what was going on but really didn't think much of it. About two weeks later I got a nasty cold with sore throat and coughing that wouldn't go away. I wasn't able to get to the doctor right away because I was in New York at the time. Over the course of years I've gotten so many sinus infection, strep throat, bronchitis, etc...so thinking when I get back they will give me my medicine and I'll be on my way.
The first person I saw now at the end of July was a Physician's Assistant and was doing the normal checking of the lymph nodes and asked me how long I had this lump. Well having no idea what she was talking about she put my hand on the right side of my neck and sure enough there it was. She thought it was perhaps due to the cold, but she wanted to be sure so I went and had an ultrasound on it. The ultrasound came back showing the mass was 5cm x 2cm x 3cm there abouts. So thinking to myself this isn't normal lol...I wanted to the CT scan as soon as possible. She wanted to wait to see if it would go down, but something in my gut said "no". The other kicker(s) in this is that Bobby was set to deploy for Iraq and at the time Audrey was 3 1/2 months old. I told her this and later that week I got the CT scan.
The CT scan showed that there are actually 3 masses in the neck area. I then have blood work done to see if that would pick up on anything and that came back fine.
Finally the PA referred me to an ENT and that is who I saw last Tuesday. Before the exam I explained to him what was going on and he started examining my throat. He was quiet and well so was I. He came around to the front and had me swallow a few times and was feeling the other lump that I hadn't spotted down by my thyroid. It is funny how in moments like this how the eyes say so much. He stepped back and I said "What do you think?" he replied "What am I thinking?" yes doctor, you! So at first he kept saying this was just a guess but he thought it might be Medullary Thyroid Cancer. All I can say is when I heard the word "cancer", I broke down crying. He sat down with me and let me just ask questions and we went from there. The next step was an FNA biopsy.
I had the FNA done on Friday and they told me I would have the results back no later than Wednesday--I can't even tell you how many times I looked at the clock. Now during this time Bobby had contacted his higher ups and his team doctor talked to my doctor about what was going on. They gave Bobby thankfully the green light to stay back with me till we figure out what is going on and what needs to happen. His team has been beyond wonderful in their understanding of all this. So today I got the call that I wanted but then again didn't. As I mentioned earlier it is some type of lymphoma and not what he originally was thinking. So all I know is that I have surgery on Wednesday morning to remove the right lymph node to do further testing and then they will know for sure what we are dealing with.
So and now we wait. Once I find out what is the official word I will be referred to the doctor who will plan my treatment whatever that may be. I know it won't be an easy road, but when I look at Audrey who just turned 4 months old I just have to do this and get through it all. I will keep everyone posted in some form or fashion. I do apologize for not calling people, but there is a lot of you :)
So as the store employee said "Have a better tomorrow"---I know there will be many better tomorrow's out there for me and my family.
Love,
martha
No comments:
Post a Comment