I am ready...
by Martha Bickel Brockley on Tuesday, August 31, 2010 at 9:52pm
Hodgkin's Lymphoma- Nodular Sclerosis- is what I got. 60%-80% of the people who have this has this type. I had my first visit with the oncologist today- Dr. Cook who I must say reminded me a lot of my dad in some ways was able to make me feel that when I thought about the future it doesn't have to be something sad. I guess I always knew this, but the ole brain can play a lot of mean tricks on you.
Right now I still have a drain and I am preparing that they will probably have to go back and do surgery to stop the leak, but still not sure on that. My next step is determining what stage I have. I think that is another word, "stage" I am not liking so much :) So there are a few things they will have to do to determine this. I will have a PET scan, MUGA scan (checks heart stuff), and the one I am not looking forward to is the bone marrow biopsy. I will have that Friday if something else doesn't come up about my obnoxious drain.
After I heal a bit from the first surgery and they have the stage I am at, they will then go ahead with placing the port in me to get it all ready for at least now chemo. I do have to say that really the idea of having that doesn't bother me to much, well at least for now. Before we even when in today, Bobby and I were sitting out in the I must say very drab waiting room, he caught a glimpse of a room with wigs. I do have to say I am mentally preparing myself for that moment, but I think for some reason that just made me feel like I was a 1000 miles away with a blank stare. It is funny how words, scents and even a sound take you back to a time it reminds you of in a split second. I pictured myself with a ridiculious wig like they wore back in early England. Now I can tell you if it is the wig route I go I will not be sporting one of those. Nor will I pick the option Bobby said that he would get me- a big Dolly Parton style wig. I am sure there is something in the middle lol.
After all my many scan and poking and proding is completed, I go back to see Dr. Cook on the 17th of September to get my schedule of how all this will happen. Again this is providing that I don't have to have surgery on this drain. But answers are coming in slowly, but they are coming and the answers I am getting are positive. It will be soon time to start this. A possible treatment plan is about 12 sessions every two weeks lasting for about six months. My goal is to be done before Audrey's 1st birthday or at least in that time frame. So you know I am ready, just ready to start this and be done with it and let it be a distant unpleasent memory. The follow-up treatments for something like this is every year for the next 5 years I would be checked and then after that when all is good I can just take a deep breath and smile.
So saying the words "I am ready", is challenging don't get me wrong, but I know I am. I am ready to get started and most importantly ready for it all to be over with.
**I do have to say on another note that listening to what so many of you have wrote or told me have given me a strength that sometimes you don't even realize is there. So please know that even if I am not able to comment to you I read it all and appreciate every ounce of it. To each and everyone of you, your family and friends who are thinking of me, praying for me, and everything else-- I can't say these words enough and even the words don't have the full impact that I am feeling, but ---thank you!
Right now I still have a drain and I am preparing that they will probably have to go back and do surgery to stop the leak, but still not sure on that. My next step is determining what stage I have. I think that is another word, "stage" I am not liking so much :) So there are a few things they will have to do to determine this. I will have a PET scan, MUGA scan (checks heart stuff), and the one I am not looking forward to is the bone marrow biopsy. I will have that Friday if something else doesn't come up about my obnoxious drain.
After I heal a bit from the first surgery and they have the stage I am at, they will then go ahead with placing the port in me to get it all ready for at least now chemo. I do have to say that really the idea of having that doesn't bother me to much, well at least for now. Before we even when in today, Bobby and I were sitting out in the I must say very drab waiting room, he caught a glimpse of a room with wigs. I do have to say I am mentally preparing myself for that moment, but I think for some reason that just made me feel like I was a 1000 miles away with a blank stare. It is funny how words, scents and even a sound take you back to a time it reminds you of in a split second. I pictured myself with a ridiculious wig like they wore back in early England. Now I can tell you if it is the wig route I go I will not be sporting one of those. Nor will I pick the option Bobby said that he would get me- a big Dolly Parton style wig. I am sure there is something in the middle lol.
After all my many scan and poking and proding is completed, I go back to see Dr. Cook on the 17th of September to get my schedule of how all this will happen. Again this is providing that I don't have to have surgery on this drain. But answers are coming in slowly, but they are coming and the answers I am getting are positive. It will be soon time to start this. A possible treatment plan is about 12 sessions every two weeks lasting for about six months. My goal is to be done before Audrey's 1st birthday or at least in that time frame. So you know I am ready, just ready to start this and be done with it and let it be a distant unpleasent memory. The follow-up treatments for something like this is every year for the next 5 years I would be checked and then after that when all is good I can just take a deep breath and smile.
So saying the words "I am ready", is challenging don't get me wrong, but I know I am. I am ready to get started and most importantly ready for it all to be over with.
**I do have to say on another note that listening to what so many of you have wrote or told me have given me a strength that sometimes you don't even realize is there. So please know that even if I am not able to comment to you I read it all and appreciate every ounce of it. To each and everyone of you, your family and friends who are thinking of me, praying for me, and everything else-- I can't say these words enough and even the words don't have the full impact that I am feeling, but ---thank you!
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