Life--A Catch 22

      Life.  We all strive to  live long lives and want to be healthy no matter your situation may be.   Today I finally was able to get a CT scan for being almost 2 years out from my last chemo treatment.  I have had some many emotional battles since my last PET scan in Dec. 2011.  I currently have two insurances and yet I have been denied multiple times of having maintenance scans with the reason that I am not sick so I don't need the maintaince scans.  Let me tell you, that is a very hard pill to swallow.  On one hand I am enjoying being healthy and enternally greatful, yet in order to know I am healthy I can't have a life-saving scan to  make sure I am still healthy. *sigh*

        I think for me, this has become at this stage such a mind game for me.  I think for many survivors of cancer or any illness the post treatment seems not as prescribed.  When I was undergoing chemo  and radiation it was very regiment and everything was layed out right before me because that is just what you do- I knew what to expect.  Now, on the otherside of the treatments it's not as formulated and a whole new set of worries come into play.  Don't get me wrong, I am happy that I have this 2nd chance but my mind right now is my biggest enemy. 

      After visiting with my doctor this past time I had a concern with a point in my upper neck but I have felt fine.  Luckly all my blood work came back great and that can be a sign if it had not.  But again, it goes all back to the mind game I am playing with myself.  My doctor let me know what he was feeling with the salvitory gland which should be there :)  Ok, okay...Hey just checking!  He was able to order a CT scan for me to check it out just to be on the safe side and really I think to ease my worry.  I appreciated it.  I should know in the next day or two the results.  I am not worried per sue, just anxious-ready to move on.

     So with being a cancer survivor I am now at risk for developing secondary cancers.   I know right, the fun just never seems to end! haha....this is something that can happen down the line but then again it might not.  Life.  As of right now for maintenance since insurance agencies are cracking down in the last few years of who qualifies for various treatments, people who follow the rules and where I feel like I am doing right by my health don't get what I need or should I say get what I feel I need.  It's tough, but that is how it goes.

     I am very greatful that I had my neck scan today at least it will give me the peace of mind that I so needing right now.  I feel fine and based on blood results and my exam by my doctor I am fine-but just my little ole mind playing tricks on me once again.   Life is good for me.  Audrey is such a smart precious little girl and my husband is back home safely from deployment.  Small things are returning to me like having longer hair that I can actually put back in a pony tail!  haha I have a lot to look forward too in the years to come!

“Worry is like a rocking chair--it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere.”