Fear Nothing...

happy halloween!!!

Well I received some very good news yesterday.  I went in for a follow up appointment with my doctor to see how I was responding to the chemo a week later and things are looking good.  We talked about some of the side effects I was having and that they were normal. He was feeling for the mass in my neck and I heard him go "hmmm".  He kept searching and feeling for it.  Now let me remind you that these masses were at least 5cm long in some areas.  Dr Cook told me that my mass has shrunking considerably and he was surprised at how well I was responding to the chemo that fast.  I was hoping he would notice that because I didn't want to think it was all in my imagination of how I was able to swallow a bit better and breath better when I lay down.  I am for sure taking this one step at a time but i will take time to celebrate this wonderful news.  I will consider this a check on my side of the board.

I know I have a very long road still ahead of me but at this point I just mark off another week of this and see how my body reacts to what is going on with the treatment.  My doctor did say that they tiredness will increase as the treatments continue. Also with that my hair probably will start to fall out more in the next coming weeks.  I can't say that I am looking forward to that but have accepted it. I figure things could be a lot worse for me and the are not. 

A little side story when I went to my appointment yesterday- when you walk to the back offices to meet up with your doctor you pass the chemo room and can see in through the windows.  I remember the first time when I saw the people sitting in there I struggled with the thought that soon that will be me sitting in there.  Going by this room is never easy but it is a bit more tolerable.  Yesterday as I was walking back I try not to stare at all the people as I walk back by the room, but my eye caught a woman cuddle up almost in the fetal position on the chemo chair.  She was wrapped in a blanket with a cap on her head.  She looked so sick. This is a woman like me diagnosed with stupid cancer and then having to put your life on hold while you battle back to being well.   Her image just has stuck with me. While feeling the upmost sympathy for her and understanding, I just thought in a brief moment I can't get like that.  I have heard it before and people are right, cancer does suck.

So after hearing my good news and at this point I say bring it on so I can just get it all over with.  Next Friday I will have my 2nd treatment and that will bring me one step closer to starting radiation which oddly enough I am looking forward to.

Until next week I am just going to continue to enjoy my good days rather than focus on the what is coming down the road for me.  Those days I know will be there so why waste the energy fearing the unknown.  Right now here in Tennessee the weather is beautiful, the leaves are colors of bright oranges, reds and yellows and best of all my little Audrey will be 6 months old next week.   For now the motto is "fear nothing".